I cannot believe that I am actually writing about this, but I was advised to write about what I know, and as of lately, this seems to be all I know. So, here I am, Kenna Foster, and overly emotional and constantly on-edge eighteen year old girl, writing about how I just got completely dumped on my ass (for my reader's pleasure, of course). Do I even have to say 'Enjoy'?
One moment while I take a sip of my diet ginger ale and allow my finger tips to dance smoothly above the keys of my lap top until I find the words I'll use to create an image of what exactly I'm feeling... *ooo, that's refreshing*
Now, where was I?
Very recently, the best person in my life turned out to be the worst, and now I'm left to manually and single handedly repair the damages that were created over the course of a year.
I've never been known to handle serious situations very well, or to react appropriately at all, for that matter. What is normal for me is extremely odd for the rest of the world, and although that has attracted myself an awful lot of unwanted attention in the past, it is one quality that I, interestingly enough, genuinely adore about myself. I'm a ticking time bomb that everyone is constantly checking over their shoulder to see if I am about to explode, and I do not intend to disappoint my audience.
Immediately after my last break up with what I believed at the time was the love of my life (athletics), I made the spontaneous and arguably poor decision to tattoo my number on my ankle... so, naturally, I did something along the lines of that action after this break up, as well (professionally done this time). After receiving my newly symbolic tat, and even throwing in a facial piercing into the batter of ingredients for a deliciously new Ken, I began thinking: If I were to react appropriately (which I obviously wasn't, it was already too late for that) how would I react? After commitably loving someone for such an extensive period of time, and then one day he, to everyone, especially my, surprise, shouts "nerve mind!" in my face as he forcibly kicks me in the ovaries and runs away holding hostage the last year and a half of my life and most personal experiences, what is the "appropriate" way to react to something like that? (Not literally, obviously, but the kick to the vagina would have hurt much less than this, but I can only imagine). That is when I realized: our actions, when reactionary, are not in our best selves. Which, for those of you with a slower mentality of comprehension of the English language, means that there is no "right" way to react to things! Reactions are just these little bubbles of emotions that expand over time as situation after shitty situation presents itself unexpectedly into your life, and eventually pops at the hand of whatever occurrence finally got to you the most; and this was that for me. Therefore, I haven't been in the wrong all these years of over/under (and various other directions) reacting, although I cannot argue that it hasn't been entertaining to watch.
I can confidently say that I have never felt hurt this intense in my entire life (even the nose piercing felt better than missing him, and that hurt like hell). I know, wholeheartedly, that I am going to be okay. I am going to be just fine without him, and that's good, but that also scares me, because what if that's all I ever am again? To the best of my ability, I am just fine? It is a frightening thought, but one that, with a little hard work and a lot of fake smiles, can be overcome with ease. I've just got to let time take it's time, and I'll be all right eventually.
I know this isn't going to be as it is inaccurately portrayed in films; there will not be a mute slide show where the sounds of everyday life is masked by a choice of background music to set the inexistent tone presenting little shots of me keeping myself busy with healthy actions and then twenty four seconds later I'm over him and a better version of who I originally was. I know I won't accidentally and conveniently bump into him at the grocery store while looking amazing and he'll realize he was wrong for leaving me and beg for my love again. (Although there is a small amount of hope in my heart that some crazy, movielike shit such as that will occur, of course. I'm a writer, therefore I'm doomed to be a hopeless romantic for the remainder of my existence, but I'm a little smarter than that... only a little, though).
Breaking up is, according to Neil Sedaka, hard to do. I call shenanigans to that statement, Niel! It isn't hard at all to say "It's not you, it's me" and deliver a swift uppercut to the self esteem all the while the poor dumpee could have sworn that their significant other was madly in love with them, blind to the troubles they've been unknowingly struggling through in their relationship. No, breaking up is not hard to do. It's getting dumped on your ass that stings a little, being left on your own to refigure out who you were before you committed to a year of emotion devotion and sex with only one person is hard to do, not breaking up with someone (sorry to tear your song title apart, Neil).
At the end of the day, I just have to remind myself of the lack of relationship I am currently in when I make the routine decision to dial the number that is unfortunately burned within my memory as I lay down to go to sleep. I have to remind myself that our first meeting was anything but cute, we never had a romantic first kiss, and I don't remember if we ever even went on a first date (basically, we were doomed from the start). I often times throughout the day have to look my reflection in the mirror and attempt to convince myself that I am not damaged or devastated, and kick myself in the butt for even temporarily believing so. I have to remind myself that the right guy (or girl) would love the things he hated about me, that I am too lively to be half loved and worth more than second thoughts and 'maybe's.
Loving someone is so beautiful, but so is moving the fuck on with your life after the bittersweet realization that the love is unrequited.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Five Reasons to Swipe Left
After recently and unfortunately re-entering the world of modern "dating," I made the cliché and completely predictable decision to create a Tinder (strictly out of dedication to writing this article, of course. Okay, and maybe a couple other reasons, as well). The concept, although visually judgmental and objectifyingly shallow, is surprisingly exhilarating and flattering. I have been a somewhat avid Tinder user for about a week now, and I already feel as if I know the ropes in such a way that I would be of benefit to guide those of you who clearly do not. In conclusion, here are the Top 5 Reasons to Swipe Left. You can use this as a tool or guide when creating and going about utilizing your social media as well as choosing who to swipe right to! Enjoy and you're welcome.
1. If he/she only has ONE picture of themselves.
We need more than that! We can't see your personality, and Tinder is soulfully based upon snap judgements of people's appearances, so give a girl (or guy) a couple options. If someone is interested enough to view your profile, rather than immediately moving onto the next potentially eligible bachelor/etter, they deserve to receive a visual taste of what you actually look like, and a person cannot decipher that based on only one photograph (even if it one really good pic, it just seems kind of cat-fishy when there isn't a selection). I'd recommend a minimum of three selfies, maybe one of you holding your pet, or just any animal, an action shot of you playing your favorite sport, anything! Just as long as there's more than one, for the love of God.
2. If all the pictures they have are of them (somewhere) and a group of people.
Tinder, as stated in the previous paragraph, is based off of snap judgements. I, and no one else, is going to take the time to go through each photograph and figure out which one individual, out of the ten pictured, appears repetitively, just NO! Why would I waste my time when I could just move onto the next? Exactly. And I get it, some people just have no interest in or haven't yet gotten involved in the whole "selfie-movement," and just personally prefer not to take pictures of themselves, I understand that... but get off Tinder, then, this is no place for you.
3. If their bio describes their political views.
If I see a guy, or girl, that I am visually interested in right off the bat, and I take the time and energy to move my thumb up and click to view, and the first sentence of your bio is "If you're voting Hilary gtfo" or "Trump supporters...leave" I am going to punch myself in the throat for even considering you as a decent one night stand. This is a place that emphasizes initial attraction, potential hook-ups, and possible love! Leave your political views out of this, everyone is allowed an opinion, and although you may disagree on some things, such as politics, that doesn't necessarily mean that two people are not compatible. Don't ruin the chance of something amazing just because you really wanted Bernie Sanders to win the 2016 election (like, same, but there's a time and place).
4. When they have no bio at all.
They say a picture speaks a thousand words! Well, whoever "they" is, they're wrong. It definitely doesn't, at least not in this case. So take ten minutes of your life and set it aside, you're obviously not that busy to begin with if you're on Tinder, and come up with 2-5 sentences that gives the person perusing this wonderful invention of social media an idea of what exactly they're agreeing to.
5. When they have a pic/multiple pictures of them and (obviously) and ex (or current) girlfriend/boyfriend.
I know its hard for some people, of either gender, to sometimes find a photo of them that they genuinely like of themselves. Like I said, not everyone enjoys snapping selfies every day after they get all done up. So for some, the only self-declared acceptable photograph(s) they have are those taken by others, which usually means they are accompanied by another person, often times resembling a significant other. I mean, maybe if you want to send the whole "I'm totally emotionally available" vibe, which could work, maybe, but that's not really what the majority of Tinder users are looking for. As soon as I see a pic with a person too close in distance to be a cousin or sibling, I (you guessed it) swipe left!
I hope this proves to be helpful, even if only a little bit, and if not, I hope you at least enjoyed reading this! Now, go edit your Tinder profiles and think a little more carefully before swiping right next time.
Let me know what you think in the comment section below!!!
1. If he/she only has ONE picture of themselves.
We need more than that! We can't see your personality, and Tinder is soulfully based upon snap judgements of people's appearances, so give a girl (or guy) a couple options. If someone is interested enough to view your profile, rather than immediately moving onto the next potentially eligible bachelor/etter, they deserve to receive a visual taste of what you actually look like, and a person cannot decipher that based on only one photograph (even if it one really good pic, it just seems kind of cat-fishy when there isn't a selection). I'd recommend a minimum of three selfies, maybe one of you holding your pet, or just any animal, an action shot of you playing your favorite sport, anything! Just as long as there's more than one, for the love of God.
2. If all the pictures they have are of them (somewhere) and a group of people.
Tinder, as stated in the previous paragraph, is based off of snap judgements. I, and no one else, is going to take the time to go through each photograph and figure out which one individual, out of the ten pictured, appears repetitively, just NO! Why would I waste my time when I could just move onto the next? Exactly. And I get it, some people just have no interest in or haven't yet gotten involved in the whole "selfie-movement," and just personally prefer not to take pictures of themselves, I understand that... but get off Tinder, then, this is no place for you.
3. If their bio describes their political views.
If I see a guy, or girl, that I am visually interested in right off the bat, and I take the time and energy to move my thumb up and click to view, and the first sentence of your bio is "If you're voting Hilary gtfo" or "Trump supporters...leave" I am going to punch myself in the throat for even considering you as a decent one night stand. This is a place that emphasizes initial attraction, potential hook-ups, and possible love! Leave your political views out of this, everyone is allowed an opinion, and although you may disagree on some things, such as politics, that doesn't necessarily mean that two people are not compatible. Don't ruin the chance of something amazing just because you really wanted Bernie Sanders to win the 2016 election (like, same, but there's a time and place).
4. When they have no bio at all.
They say a picture speaks a thousand words! Well, whoever "they" is, they're wrong. It definitely doesn't, at least not in this case. So take ten minutes of your life and set it aside, you're obviously not that busy to begin with if you're on Tinder, and come up with 2-5 sentences that gives the person perusing this wonderful invention of social media an idea of what exactly they're agreeing to.
5. When they have a pic/multiple pictures of them and (obviously) and ex (or current) girlfriend/boyfriend.
I know its hard for some people, of either gender, to sometimes find a photo of them that they genuinely like of themselves. Like I said, not everyone enjoys snapping selfies every day after they get all done up. So for some, the only self-declared acceptable photograph(s) they have are those taken by others, which usually means they are accompanied by another person, often times resembling a significant other. I mean, maybe if you want to send the whole "I'm totally emotionally available" vibe, which could work, maybe, but that's not really what the majority of Tinder users are looking for. As soon as I see a pic with a person too close in distance to be a cousin or sibling, I (you guessed it) swipe left!
I hope this proves to be helpful, even if only a little bit, and if not, I hope you at least enjoyed reading this! Now, go edit your Tinder profiles and think a little more carefully before swiping right next time.
Let me know what you think in the comment section below!!!
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